There's a word for them!

Studying for the GRE is driving me bonkers! I don't get it. The English language has billions of words, and I need to know all of them if I'm going to truly be prepared for this test. The other day I took a practice test and scored a 680. Yesterday, I took a practice test and scored a 530. It just depends on the words they test me on. Supposedly, the test is "adaptive," but if that's the case, then why is there such a difference between my two scores? I'd like present my perspective on this test during the analytical writing section!

I'm just freaking out because so much hangs in balance on this test. I need to do well on it! Going to graduate school to study English--rhetoric, literature, theory, teaching--is the only thing I want to do with my life. I would do well in graduate school and I'm nervous because my fate isn't left up to me; it's left to the admissions committee. I know I did poorly the first time around in undergraduate studies, but that's why I returned to school this semester to show my dedication and ability to make A's.

So, last night, I was looking up all the words I missed on the test. One of the words, GADFLY, is a gem!

GADFLY--figurative: an annoying person, esp. one who provokes others into action by criticism.

Suprise!

What Have I Been Doing Since I Last Blogged:

1. Finishing this semester. My last final (in tech editing) is today form 10:15-12:15.
2. Finished reading Anna Karenina. It's a good book but quite laborious. The relationships are fun to read about, but the political/religious/philosophical talk is somewhat "burdensome."
3. Started studying for the GRE, which I take on Dec. 28th. SOOO nervous!
4. Worked on my grad school application and got letters of recommendations from my professors.
5. Had Brad's family in for Thanksgiving. It was really, really nice to see them. We went to the TN Valley Winery, rode the Foothills Parkway, went shopping, watched Lord of the Rings, and had a Thanksgiving Feast.
6. Met Brad's mom's fiance at Thanksgiving. We're glad she seems happy.
7. My grandfather passed away the Friday after Thanksgiving. It was my grandmother's birthday. Brad and I went down for the funeral. We were expecting it, but it still hurts quite a bit.
8. Saw the movie Borat. It's hilarious!

Yeah, so, I guess I haven't really done much outside of school for the past month. I've written quite a few papers and studied for the GRE. I'm super, super nervous about getting into graduate school since my previous grades aren't so hot. The GRE is making me nervous too. I am trying to build my command of vocabulary, but it's slow going. I will probably be on a social hiatus until after Dec. 28th. I have one social engagement this Friday night with Brad's work, but I'll probably retreat from society for a while. It's easier to remember vocabulary when you don't have to think about anything else--like carrying on a conversation. ;o)

Ho Hum!

I feel like I have a little bit of breathing time right now. I only have three more papers left to write for this semester and one technical document to edit. Yeah! Although I have a paper due this Tuesday, I'm not stressed out by it. It'll get done. The GRE exam is somewhat on my mind. I really need to get a move on studying for it. I just need to get through to the end of the semester and everything will be fine. Work is like this constant dread...I have to stay at the "office"/computer all day in case something needs to be done. It's pointless really, but at least they're paying for me to sit here! :O) I'm nervous about applying to grad school...what happens if I don't get in (because I probably won't)? I need to talk to my professors to see what they have to say; I'll have to figure out when their office hours are.

I'm reading Anna Karenina right now, and it is quite absorbing and interesting. :O)

Okay, I thought I had time to chat, but I don't. I need to get some stuff done around the house.

Updating

First off, everything is great with Brad and I again. We went through a rough patch, but everything is back to normal. We understand the boundaries of acceptable behavior and inexcusable reactions. I think our relationship had become stagnant for a while and any reaction is needed to wake us up to the reality of our love. I don't want to say that we become complacent, but essentially, that is what is was.

Did everyone vote yesterday?

I made another 100% on a paper! This one was on the rhetoric of gender. I limited my discussion to positive images, because, for one thing, I don't buy the "glossies" because they do influence me. I clarified that point during the first part of my paper. Yeay!

It's a rainy day, but I'm enjoying it. There is something about a rainy, fall day. I feel so warm and snugly in my house. :o)

I'd better get to work. I'll write again soon!

I don't know

I'm not sure what to think of the relationship I'm in with Brad. I know one thing: it isn't necessarily a good thing. He doesn't support me and just gets mad at me if something doesn't go according to his schedule (yes, he is the one that thinks he is "spontaneous" and "flexible"). For example, I went to lunch with my friend, R, yesterday. It was great to see her and to catch up on everything. It was so much fun! We laughed and laughed about "Neuticles" (the ball implants for pets), and time passed without us realizing it. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 5:00! I took R home and hurried home. I knew me being out so late wouldn't sit well with Brad. He's very particular. When I got home, he went off on me because I made us miss the spin class. I didn't apologize; I didn't do anything wrong. I just don't feel like I made us miss the spin class; he could have gone without me! So, I asked him if he was ready to go workout, and he went off about how I was selfish and critical of him. I really have no clue where that came from. He muttered some things about me under his breath, but I didn't say anything. He got ready to workout and just left while I was changing into my workout clothes. I drove over in a separate car because I wanted to work out. After doing a bit of cardio, I asked him for the workout schedule. He offered to show me which exercises I needed to do, which was nice. One of the exercises I wasn't sure how to do it even after he explained it to me. He goes, "Are you stupid or something? What the fu*k don't you understand?" I just turned and walked away; I don't need to listen to him talk to me like that!! While I was doing one of the exercises, he came over and asked me if I had anything to drink with R. I had 2 beers over the course of 4 hours. He asked me who else was there. There wasn't anyone else there. He kept prodding asking questions obviously believing that it wasn't just R and me. I sick of this! I really don't know if I can take much more of his attitude towards me. It sucks! I have no idea what I did to deserve this treatment. For a while, I thought it was something I did, or that I somehow offended him. But, you know, I think he has some control or emotional issues. . . something. I'm not going to allow him to take me down. . . or make me feel bad about myself. I've had abusive boyfriends in the past (one broke my hand), and I don't want to be in one again. Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I'm the one that has a problem? I can't imagine what it is but maybe I did something to trigger this anger in him? I really don't know. I do know that it is hurting me, and I don't feel like he really wants me to be happy. He never asked how R is doing, or stating that he was glad I had fun with a friend. He could have handled the situation so much differently than the way he choose to. I'm just hurting inside, and I can't turn to him because he is the one that is hurting me.

Missed them!

We didn't have any trick-or-treaters last night. Oh, yes, they were swarming all over the neighborhood, but we didn't turn any of our lights on and we stayed in the basement. :O) We went to work out around 5:30 and didn't leave the gym until about 7:30ish. We did a spin class with an instructor we haven't had before. It was a dude that totally kicked ass! He pushed us to our limits. It was awesome. I am so not an anti-female person, but I really think the female spin instructors don't push you to improve. When they say, "If you're comfortable, turn up your resistance a little," he said, "It is human nature to set the limits for the body when it starts to feel uncomfortable--you can always push yourself harder--you are capable of doing more. DIAL UP YOUR RESISTANCE!!!" Maybe I just like the military/commanding style better? Anyway, it was a great workout and I didn't feel bad about not riding the Parkway.

I have a media watchdog paper to write for next Tuesday. It's one of those really vague assignments that you get to pick the topic yourself, which is sometimes a really good thing. I'm kinda lost on this one. The professor must think that we, the class, just have all kinds of time to devote to her class. She wants us to watch the news for five days, listen to the radio, read magazines, books, online articles, but no newspapers. We're suppose to research how a topic is presented in each of these areas, find the biases, and then argue our own position on the issue. Seriously? I have no idea where to start. I'm kinda thinking about doing something on North Korea? I would love for the whole Tour/Landis fiasco to still be prominent in the news, but alas, I shall have to content myself with politics. What else could I have a position on? Fantasy sports? Oh! I could write about health! That could be interesting! I'll spend some time searching the Internet for a topic.

I really need work to be over. I have so much to do for school and around the house. I desperately need to finish the quilt for the guest bedroom. I made purses for my friend S's birthday and my sister's birthday. I need to mail them out! My friend, K, is getting married this weekend. It's an outdoor wedding, so I hope the weather is nice... for her sake and for the guests.

Oh, yes, it has been a while

Wow! School and work have kept me extremely busy. Not to mention: biking, reading, sewing, hanging out with Brad. One of my classes was cancelled this morning, so I finally have to write. Isn't everyone so happy? :O)

Let's see. What have I done of interest since the last time I wrote? Good question. Finished A Confederacy of Dunces. It is a great book, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a funny, thought-provoking book. I would discuss it in greater detail, but I know a few people currently reading it that might read this blog, so I won't. Now, I'm reading Anna Karenina. I'm on page 125 out of 850. It's extremely interesting--there are such differences in how gender is viewed compared to current standards. After reading on Friday night, I settled down to sleep, and I found myself thinking of what it would have been like to not have the ability to vote, own property, be independent. Women have only recently been able to be their own person, independent of others--especially males. I'm not as strong of a feminist as I used to be, but when I read books like this one, it makes me realize how far we have come.

Let's see, what else? Started training on the bike again. It is looking like we'll be able to do the double century ride next year--the one I have been excited about ever since I heard about it. I'm really, really hoping we can afford the tickets out there. A lot of that will depend on whether I have a job or not. I'm still thinking about grad school, but we'll see if I can get in first.

Brad and I are doing all right. For some reason, he has been extremely critical lately. It's not that he is intentionally being mean, but he doesn't have much patience and gets angry about things that aren't a big deal. It's very frustrating to live with someone that thinks they can complain about how dirty the house is but then leaves wrappers and dishes throughout the house. To be completely honest, I'm tired of picking up after him, so I've been leaving everything where it is. When he complains now, I just ignore him and hope he realizes that he is a big contributing factor to making it dirty. But, if I let something slip, then I get a lecture. I don't get it. Another thing I don't get is that he doesn't let me enjoy things if he doesn't enjoy them. Does that make sense? Like rap songs on the radio. Sometimes he humors me and lets me turn them up and dance around. But, at other times, he gets upset about the "loud" music. Then, he gets to decide what our monetary priorities are. I don't spend much money, but occasionally, I'll buy something I think we'll enjoy. For example, I bought us a toaster oven so that when we have something little to heat up we don't have to turn on the "big" oven. He thought that was a waste of money. Maybe it was, but I thought it would be a nice thing to have. The next day, we go out and he gets a hand saw something or rather because we need it for the house. Really? I don't know. He hasn't been very tender or affectionate towards me lately. I don't know what is up. I've always thought he has control issues, and now that I am standing up for myself, he's getting disoriented and doesn't understand what is going on. We'll talk about marriage one minute and how excited we are. But the next minute, he's going off on me about something and saying stuff about how he's glad we're not married yet because we need to work "that" out. Whatever. The thing that really irritates me though is the fact that he is willing to say things to me in public. It's one thing to have a problem with me, it's another to go off on me in public. He's extremely nice around friends though.

Opps. Didn't mean to vent for a minute there. Here's a post I wrote last year on my old blog. It's about Halloween, which freaks me out.

Halloween night. Normally on this day each year I hide myself away in a room that doesn't have windows and keep all the lights off. Actually I haven't done that in 3 years but that used to be my Halloween night ritual. It's hard to believe but I've never been trick or treating and I'm scared to death of the kids that walk around in scary costumes. My parents raised me strict Southern Baptist and never allowed me to participate in such a satanic holiday. Never mind the real reason for Halloween; they only care about the devil worshipping that is suppose to culminate on this day. I remember when I was in fifth grade they took me to church to watch a film about devil worshipping and Halloween. I promise you I have not been the same since. TERRIFIED ME!!! To be completely open, I wanted to lose my virginity after that because I did not want to be a virgin sacrifice. I secretly decided that should someone nab me I would lie to them so that I wouldn't be sacrificed for being holy. Yes, I decided that "thou shalt not lie" was not a commandment when it came to saving the earthly dwelling of my soul. You can bet your bottom dollar that if I ever have kids I will be taking them out on Halloween night. Apart from the spirituality of the day, there is sense of community that I missed experiencing. The feeling of camaraderie with other kids having fun and of goodness that people open their doors and give (even if it only results in cavities). :o)

I'm not reading over everything I've written today, so if there are any grammatical errors, please excuse them. I need to get ready for school. I'll try to be more consistant about blogging. Work should be slowing down again after this week, so I'll have more time to devote to writing.